Who I Intended Becoming in 2020: A 2020 Reflection

On a small whiteboard in my office space, at the beginning of 2020 I wrote, “Expansion.” It’s my word for this year.

Below that, I wrote, “Success is inevitable.” While I forget exactly who said that, it was quoted by someone in the Members Club of the Female Entrepreneur Association.

I intended becoming a bit of a mogul in 2020 - at least, my version of a mogul.

My version of a mogul

♛ I intended expanding my business to include classes (at least two or three) and memberships (at least two).

♛ I intended writing and self-publishing two books, and starting a third.

♛ I intended forming some sort of spiritual mastermind.

As of this point in early December, not one of those intentions have come to fruition. So, it’s safe to say I’m not who I intended to be when the year began.

What stopped me

The follow-up question for this reflection is, "What stopped me from becoming who I intended to become this year?"

It’s a great question.

It would be easy to blame the pandemic and its fall-out - and I suppose I could, in part. It’s a big distraction. It also led me to undertake offerings from March through July that I probably wouldn’t have invested my time and energy in otherwise.

It would be easy, too, to blame a perceived need for “research and development” to really do things the “right” way. That perceived need led me to invest in three classes meant to support my great intentions.

Only one of the three actually supported me, because the other two were wants (ego) rather than needs (soul). Were they a waste of time and money? No. I learned what I needed to from the experience.

So what did stop me? Why, I did, of course. I completely got in my own way through overthinking, over-processing, over-preparing, etc.

Those overages came from fear. And I feel confident saying the fear was equal in terms of my potential failure and success.

I heard some wise person this year say something to this effect: The only failure is not trying. So, I guess I didn’t fail because I did try. Maybe?

What I could have done differently

The final part of this second prompt of A 2020 Reflection asks, "Is there anything I could have done differently to enhance or change the outcome?"

My intuition says, “Yes.”

My pendulum says, “Yes.”

My guides say, “There could have been less time spent worrying about the family and friends who could be exposed to the pandemic, and less time spent thinking about what you wished to become.”

Worrying and thinking: total time sucks. And clearly they sucked major time through my permitting them over the course of this year.

Instead of worrying, I could have practiced faith and trust.

Instead of thinking (overthinking), I could have taken action - more action, because I did take some action.

I mean, I did manage to write over 20,000 words toward a book. That’s a lot of words.

And I did manage to figure out what platform will best host classes and memberships, and maybe even a spiritual mastermind.

And I did manage to fully outline the first course I intend to release.

So that’s something. It’s important to acknowledge those things. It’s equally important to acknowledge I need to work more toward supporting myself to increase the aligned actions I take.

I’m a continued work in progress.

Oh! And there was something else I wrote on the whiteboard: “I joyfully accept abundance in all its forms into my life! And so it is.”

I owned that one. Blessed be.