The Validation Trap

5 June 2025

“Does that make sense?”

It’s a question I ask of new clients, in particular. It happens as a matter of course throughout any given session. It’s become such a part of my getting-to-know-you process that I don’t stop to consider how it may serve my ego more than my clients’ needs.

The Validation Trap is an original blog post by Ellen M. Gregg, published on 5 June 2025 on ellenmgregg.com. #ego #validation #mediumship #intuition

That accounts for sessions, and yet as I reflect on this, I realize that I also bring it into Spiral Gatherings. In that instance, it typically happens when I’ve channeled a message for the group and want to ensure it was comprehended, at the very least. Ideally, of course, I discover it also resonates… not even giving myself the chance to sort out if it resonates with me.

There’s validation…

This form of validation is particularly important in mediumship, for example. It’s the form of validation that confirms beyond a doubt that the spirit is known to the client. Ideally, the spirit is offering up information that is very specific to the client’s relationship with them and remembrance of them.

The information wouldn’t be common knowledge. It would be personal. It might even represent a sign that the client requested, whether for their chosen form of validation or some other reason.

It’s also essential in medical intuition, especially since we want to make sure we’ve tuned into the correct energy body. By rights, our clients will be able to tell us very quickly whether or not we’re tuned into theirs.

…and there’s validation

This form of validation is specific to the practitioner. It’s the validation that assures the practitioner that they’re “doing it right” and “getting it right.” It’s the validation born of doubt, uncertainty, people-pleasing, or a need for ego stroking.

I admit that I’ve been guilty of this, although less so now than in the past.

Letting it go

Letting go of the need to be validated in our role as a spiritual practitioner may be a slow process, especially if, like me, we’ve been a card-carrying member of the people-pleasers club for decades.

It makes sense that we want to get it right. It makes sense that we want to serve at the top of our “game.” It makes sense that we want our clients (and other people) to find us and our service valuable.

However, the need for validation is a trap for both our spiritual growth and our human growth. It holds us back from gaining confidence in our skills and, more importantly, in trusting the process our clients must walk through. That process may involve moments of silence as they take in what we’ve offered.

It may be that they are then able to say, of their own accord, “That makes sense,” or “That sounds just like my dad,” or “There’s no way you could have known that.” It may also be that they say nothing, which we must then choose to accept, even if it makes us uncomfortable.

This is one of the many growth opportunities that can come up as a result of working with clients. It’s one I’ve worked on extensively, and I can report that practice makes progress.

Thanks for reading.