Along with the overall state of the United States and the world at large, things close to home have been stressful.
Today, being Valentine’s Day or Galentine’s Day or V Day or, as I’m terming it, Love Day, has really magnified the crosshairs that are love and pain.
When we love – truly, madly and deeply – we open ourselves to pain through the very human lens we walk through life with. The pain can come through the break-up of love or the loss of love or even, weirdly, through the very depth of the love we feel.
Today, it’s that depth that’s put me at the corner of Love and Pain.
My father has been in the hospital since last Wednesday. He was taken to the emergency room in great distress and was in such dire straits that he couldn’t be moved to ICU until over 24 hours later.
He turned 84 in that ICU just this past Sunday. And it isn’t the first time his birthday has found him in the hospital. It’s the second time. The first time was last year.
He isn’t doing particularly well. An infection took over his body through his bloodstream when fluid in his right lung proved too much for his system to manage on its own. The infection affected his intestines, bladder, and brain.
It took two powerful antibiotics, administered together, over three days to make enough of a dent that his doctors could confidently say the antibiotics were winning over the infection.
However, the infection created elevated levels of potassium in his bloodstream which have overwhelmed his brain function. He’s been mostly incoherent – somewhere between a dream state and a delirium – with short bursts of lucidity.
And there’s more. My father is an alcoholic, and is now going through detox on top of everything else. Yesterday, he had a seizure-like episode which overrode any lucid moments.
He’s up against it. And he’s frail. And I know his time on Earth in human form is limited, even without the current situation.
And I love him so much that it hurts.
There’s the corner of Love and Pain, lit up like Times Square.
Exploration and Reunion
I love and am deeply grateful that the work I do, which is the fabric of who I am in this lifetime, allows me to have insight into his experiences beyond human consciousness.
In his dream-state delirium, my dad’s been doing some exploratory travelling. And he’s had the opportunity to reunite with his parents and three of his four siblings who have passed.
Isn’t that amazing and awesome? Isn’t that comforting? I love that so much for him.
And yet there’s that twinge again. There’s that painful understanding that the exploration and reunion are precursors to the eventuality of his transition back into the wholeness of his soul.
This is the corner of Love and Pain. This is the way of the human life.
Most of all, this is the way of love.
Happy Love Day to you and yours, today and always. 💖