There are occasions when I find myself annoyed by, disappointed with, judgmental of, and assumptive about other women.
To be blunt, it’s like this:
♣ I am annoyed by her.
♣ I am disappointed with her.
♣ I judge her.
♣ I make assumptions about her.
It’s inconsistent, and usually over things such as:
The way something is said. (A slight rephrase would have been less abrasive.)
The way something is approached. (A different tact might have yielded better results.)
The way something is assumed, perhaps on someone else’s behalf. (Probably best to ask. The availability may be there, but the willingness may not. Or vice versa.)
The way something is perceived. (I knew it wasn’t a personal attack. Why didn’t she?)
When those occasions arise, I’ve learned that the reason for my over-engaged ego’s angst boils down to another woman’s actions and reactions representing a reflection of myself – past, or present, or both.
I see my reflection, and it makes me uncomfortable. Truthfully, I don’t like it one bit.
She reminds me that I’m imperfect. (There. I admit it. I’m not perfect. Shocker, I know.)
She reminds me that I’m vulnerable. (I’m a steel magnolia, not a woman of steel.)
She reminds me that, for all I’ve evolved, I sometimes judge and am judged. (Every day is Judgment Day in my ego’s world.)
She reminds me that I still have work to do on myself. (My inner diamond is still rough.)
When I see that reflection – I now realize that…
♠ I annoy myself.
♠ I disappoint myself.
♠ I judge myself.
♠ I make assumptions about myself.
It can be disheartening.
I’ve experienced a lot of self-inflicted – er – self-initiated growth over the past several years. I’ve gained a lot of wisdom from it.
And yet there is more to gain. There is more to experience.
It can also be heartening.
The more I grow, and the more wisdom I gain, the less I see of those reflections that rankle. Progress.
Do you see your reflection through other people?